I thank God so much for my journey. I am thankful that I was broken down and sent on a deep healing journey for the last 5 years. My struggles through the pain of coming back from that dark place I was in have given me a strength and confidence that I just never knew I could have. The time now is so crazy with our world state in the pandemic.

I know that if I had not been brought through this journey of climbing back up and getting stronger that I may not have handled this time as well as I am able to now. My life has not changed much at all through the current stay at home order. I was already self-isolated for the last few years to maintain my sanity and get stronger to face the day.

I was forced to focus on my and my healing to get better and although I still struggle through my days I feel better about me and my life than I have in a very, very long time. My online experience is doing very well to support me not only financially but my mental health heals more with my interaction with the people that appreciate me, my skill and my abilities. It really feels good to be succeeding at something I have always wanted. I still have to consciously bring to mind the things that are going right and how well I think and feel about my life. My body is still in the pain of the past and seems to not want to let the fight or flight fear go but I continue to push through regardless. It just makes me want to keep going to make the body match the mind and soul.

Taking care in the moment and being mindful of the self discoveries I am making daily. Breathing in the confidence of what I have already done and continue to do daily. Exhaling the doubt to free my body. I am finding out what mindfulness is. Mindful in every moment and what it means to me.

I have been having old self destructive and defeating thoughts come into my head from when I was in the dark depression days. They come automatic when a bump in the road happens in my day. I can recognize her now and I can actually just smile and let her go because I am not in that frame of mind any more. I won’t allow those little seeds take root any longer.

Staying in the moment and being mindful that I am succeeding. I am learning to enjoy the present even through the struggle. I am striving to be who I am and do what I want to do to make things better every day.

I don’t want to focus on what I should do or what I need to do. My mindfulness work is focused on what I want to be. It is a much lighter journey with less stress.

My focus is on adjusting to my desire to be free from that old thinking and staying right here right now and enjoying myself. With what I have.

I will be planting in my new planter garden my husband built for me. It gives me confidence that I have accomplished one more thing that I have always wanted to do and I look forward to reaping what I sow. It is worth the effort and in the times we are in it’s necessary. I will survive no matter what life throws at me.

Being taken care of with a give and take arrangement makes it a successful endeavor.

I am beginning to enjoy being out of the darkness and well into the light. I guess maybe I broke out of the cocoon who knows.

I will be hosting my first Beading Circle in a video conference tomorrow to demonstrate how I make my turtle earrings. This little guy is the reason I started my Facebook group. I saw so many people asking how these earrings were made and they were being ignored with no acknowledgement or response. Even I asked questions with no response. I felt that it was so very disrespectful that there was no acknowledgment to fellow beaders. So I started my teaching group on Facebook and it has grown quickly and a lot of people say they enjoy it. I have worked at figuring out how to make them now and thought it would be fun to try a live demonstration. Give people some interaction during these trying times. I enjoy the teaching and hope that I can continue it with success.

Well thank you so much for stopping by. I hope and pray that you and yours stay healthy. Be Safe and stay in the moment to know how great you are and thankful for what you have.

Frances

It has been awhile since I checked in. I guess I have been trying to keep myself in order with the country’s crazy situation. I am doing surprisingly well considering how my anxiety and panic would over run my reality in the past. I still struggle with getting through the day but I am not having an unreasonable time getting through the day.

I continue my days just like always. I have been living in chosen isolation for sometime to get stronger in my healing journey, so the present day situation is not causing me to react in a panic or uncertainty of the rest of the world. Thank God for my journey and what it has recently brought me through so that I can be strong through this uncertain time.

I still have times when my anxiety tries to come through but my coping skills are strong enough for me to get through and get relief much quicker. I am now able to calmly make it through my days without the fear of a trigger or fear of what’s to come. I feel so much stronger and more at peace than I have in several years. I have fought hard to get here and can honestly say “I will survive in peace”.

I can wake up every day and practice my gratitude for everything I have learned, let go and built stronger. I pray I continue on in the reality that I continue to overcome my demons everyday because I have built a stronger me. I am still struggling with the pain and tension in my body but it gets less and less everyday I am able to relax and trust in the process I am in.

I am trying to get through all of my beadwork orders so I can relax and just do some things that I have been wanting to create. I get ideas all the time. I just can’t quite seem to get through them because I keep accepting new ones. That’s not a bad thing. I squeeze in a YouTube video and make something for when our Museum is allowed to open to accept my gift shop items.

I have been adding things to my website shop and in my beading circle group on Facebook for those who are unable to get out to get what they need. Fortunately the mail services have not stopped yet.

The situation is difficult for everyone but it allows me to practice my ability to settle into a trust and faith mentality that is what making my days easier to live. I love how I am able to handle my struggle and difficulty with a stronger sense of confidence in myself and my journey. All my thanks goes to my God for my strength and healing every day.

I pray you all are safe and healthy and continue to be through this trying time for all of us. Thanks for stopping by and if I am of any support or inspiration to you in any way I also thank you for letting me into your world.

Frances Arapis

I am doing my best to stay in my moments and see which feelings belong to my day. My body is starting to feel more than stress, tension, fear, anxiety and pain. I have been struggling with my agoraphobia coming back to lie and convince me that I don’t need any help when I know that I am still in need of a hand hold. I skipped my therapy because my anxiety to stay home was too intense to overcome. Now I have to fight the guilt of not going. I spend every moment reassuring myself that my decision is over now and I don’t have anything to worry about except embracing my new being and not worrying about the past I can do nothing about. That includes 2 seconds ago and 45 years ago.

Thank God there is no limitation on my starting over at any time to make a different choice to live.

My desire to be successful has become stronger and now it is time for me to define success. I don’t believe it is being rich in money and possessions. I am desiring to have the joy of the things that bring me the most enjoyment in my every day life in abundance. Of course being comfortably secure with monetary is a huge benefit but my focus is turning to wanting to go back to my desire to learn new things and create new things to teach, and share.

My growth and change continue to make room for all the things I have always wanted to do but difficult life struggles and the trauma setback into the darkness stopped that growth and pursuit of fulfillment. I now little by little every day let in the positive feelings and let the negative go. It is a battle that I never truly faced I just let the whole thing just sit and I thought that’s all there was.

I no longer am resistant to the change. My depression and anxiety were the result of me fighting to shut down the pain of the battle and allowing all the past to lie to me into believing  that nothing was going to change. I refuse to give up the fight for my life.

Now I use the battle to make way for that growth and change to come through and make way for me to be happy right where I am and strive to obtain the things that make me and those around me appreciate all we have.

The sun has been shining lately and the weather is nice. It is still winter and I am reminded everytime I go outside in the cold. I have to maintain my reality and stay in the moment. Realizing what is and not be sad over what was or what I thought it should be.

I am finishing up some custom orders now and will be starting on making things to go into the museum this spring. I will have a chance to get back to making videos. I have missed it and all the things I want to put into the museum gift shop will become the next series of videos. I am also going to start designing regalia for my grand daughters and son to start working on. I am going to move into creating and not just surviving.

We were in a very difficult financial hole that has finally been resolved and now I can work on things to fulfill my creative side and not just to make money. There is a huge difference and I want to be able to be doing things in balance so that I can have the satisfaction of both a business and a creative outlet. My life is worth fighting for and I WILL LOVE THE DAY!!!

Thanks for stopping by and I hope your upcoming weekend is everything you deserve.

Frances

It’s a good day today. I believe this is actually the best day I have had in quite awhile. I am doing my best to embrace the feeling. My struggle has been to stay in the moment and sift through my thoughts, feelings and actions to monitor them to stay on the fresh new positive side of my life I have been fighting to achieve. It is a moment by moment struggle and I am usually exhausted by the end of the day but it is worth it. I am no longer living in that dark, depressed, lonely hole that has tried to destroy me in the past few years. I am living and working every day on myself harder than I ever have in my life.

Good things are happening for me and I need to not allow myself to slip backwards. I want to now move forward and get back on the track of doing instead waiting. I will make it happen instead of wait for it to come.

Don’t get me wrong I am still in the fight of my life but I am blessed with the ability and opportunity to do it.

I am working every day to change my mind to see what a blessing my life is. I have to go through every thought and every reaction to choose life and positive living. I know I am worth it and can appreciate what I have without the hopeless wanting things to get better. My life is worth it. I need to make room for my soul to seek it’s healing and not let the mind bring the past back to get in the way.

My fight and all of my struggles have been worth and continue to show me I am alive and I have the opportunity to only get better.

My Facebook Group the Beading Circle is growing every day and I am wondering if I have what it takes to keep a group like this functioning and growing. I have seen several groups shut down because of negative and hurtful interaction and pray every day that my group will stay the positive, beautiful safe haven it was created to be.

My YouTube channel is growing also and I look forward to making new videos and keep the teaching going. I truly enjoy it. I had the apprehension that I would not be able to continue to keep it going but there is always more I find to express myself with and viewers are giving nothing but positive feedback. The things I am creating are such a blessing to me in so many ways. I don’t know if I know what joy feels like but the good feelings I am experiencing with what I am doing sure feel like it. Joy was just never a word used in my world so I don’t have anything to compare it to. I guess I will just create my own.

I will start to use my organization skills to get a better handle on what is happening. I am working hard to not get overwhelmed and lost in the process of all my endeavors growing and working out. If I get a handle on it I won’t let it become a scary place it will be more of the success I have always dreamed of.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope your next week is everything you deserve.

Frances

 

Boy I have had a difficult last few weeks. I thought it was because of the season and time of year. I was seriously feeling like I was having a back slide that I couldn’t stop. Fortunately I have come far enough in my healing journey that I was able to use a quick EMDR exercise and figure out which demon of the past was trying to hank on. That is exactly what was wrong. It seems that no matter how far I have come there is a new struggle to handle.

 

Even though it feels so terrible at the time and I also fight the hopelessness that falsely leads me to believe everything I have done means nothing.  I am so much stronger and able to come back out so much quicker and able to see the issue so much clearer sooner. I am winning and will continue to fight for my life.

I am taking responsibility for my life and no longer blaming the past or others for what has happened and can honestly check myself and correct my thinking to what I have done, who I am and all of the good things I am blessed with and can be grateful for. I can actually say I am breaking the chains of that awful dark place and moving into the light.

When I was fighting the battle I tried to make that list of blessings and couldn’t see it at the moment. I realized what a long list I have of blessings. I have everything going well and just cannot let the demons of the past steal my thunder because my body has not caught up to my soul work.

I did it though and feel better today than I have in at least 2 1/2 weeks . The battle for life continues and feels better and stronger all the time. It doesn’t say much on those bad moments when I struggle to get out of bed, but I do get up and live everyday.

I did have an awesome day yesterday and received some amazing news. I had a meeting with the director of the local museum and they are asking to put my beadwork into their gift shop when they open in the spring. It’s an amazing opportunity and I can now feel the positive feeling it brings. I am working on feeling the joy and excitement. The good feelings have to be worked for. They don’t come as easy as the bad feelings of the past.

I am now moving into a place where I am striving to start enjoying my days no matter how much it takes to find it and hang on to it longer and longer every time.

I have the strength to fight the past and live for the future.

My strength grows with every battle I win.

I will start making things for the museum and hopefully creating some new and different things for my YouTube channel. My little online business is growing and I may have to work at enjoying everything I have but every day I can builds my strength.

Thanks for stopping by and visit my page and Facebook group for quicker updates on my creative journey.

https://www.facebook.com/QuinWhaPa/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/3002814646400976/?ref=group_header

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a nice weekend.

Frances