Boy I have had a difficult last few weeks. I thought it was because of the season and time of year. I was seriously feeling like I was having a back slide that I couldn’t stop. Fortunately I have come far enough in my healing journey that I was able to use a quick EMDR exercise and figure out which demon of the past was trying to hank on. That is exactly what was wrong. It seems that no matter how far I have come there is a new struggle to handle.
Even though it feels so terrible at the time and I also fight the hopelessness that falsely leads me to believe everything I have done means nothing. I am so much stronger and able to come back out so much quicker and able to see the issue so much clearer sooner. I am winning and will continue to fight for my life.
I am taking responsibility for my life and no longer blaming the past or others for what has happened and can honestly check myself and correct my thinking to what I have done, who I am and all of the good things I am blessed with and can be grateful for. I can actually say I am breaking the chains of that awful dark place and moving into the light.
When I was fighting the battle I tried to make that list of blessings and couldn’t see it at the moment. I realized what a long list I have of blessings. I have everything going well and just cannot let the demons of the past steal my thunder because my body has not caught up to my soul work.
I did it though and feel better today than I have in at least 2 1/2 weeks . The battle for life continues and feels better and stronger all the time. It doesn’t say much on those bad moments when I struggle to get out of bed, but I do get up and live everyday.
I did have an awesome day yesterday and received some amazing news. I had a meeting with the director of the local museum and they are asking to put my beadwork into their gift shop when they open in the spring. It’s an amazing opportunity and I can now feel the positive feeling it brings. I am working on feeling the joy and excitement. The good feelings have to be worked for. They don’t come as easy as the bad feelings of the past.
I am now moving into a place where I am striving to start enjoying my days no matter how much it takes to find it and hang on to it longer and longer every time.
I have the strength to fight the past and live for the future.
My strength grows with every battle I win.
I will start making things for the museum and hopefully creating some new and different things for my YouTube channel. My little online business is growing and I may have to work at enjoying everything I have but every day I can builds my strength.
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Thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a nice weekend.