Using My Mess as a Message

This was my birthday week and I have had a wonderful time of reflection and appreciation for my blessings. I haven’t posted for over 6 months. I never forgot about the Blog. I actually think about it daily but just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it and what purpose I had for it. I may have interrupted my Blog Posting but fortunately did not stop in my healing journey. I began with the goal of learning to love myself to take my healing journey to a new level. I no longer have to struggle so much with the dark depression anymore. Every year I can feel the release of the dark to let in the light.

When I started this whole website thing it was just a dream I had to make a connection and maybe make a different in others lives that are looking for a way to begin or continue their own healing journey. I also wanted to share my skills and knowledge of Beading and Crafts with others. This and all of my Social Media endeavors have brought me so much joy and healing that I never knew was possible. I have connected with so many people on many levels. Many times it is a struggle and I still battle with my gremlins but it still continues to support me and I Rise up Stronger every day. I have spent my time getting stronger and learning more about myself. I having been searching for my Truth and my Identity during my Blogging hiatus. It has been a very interesting journey. When I became more selfish it benefited the world around me. The more I love myself the more the world around me gets the best part of me.

This week gave me even more of a blessing because it was my birthday week. As I reflect where I am in my life I can see how far I have come in healing my Mind, Body and Soul to enjoy the day. I spend every day thinking about where I am, what I want and where I want to go. This keeps me from worrying, and staying in the places that feed my dark places. Anyone no matter where you are can get yourself into a new space that only you can create. It doesn’t matter what you are facing there is a way for you to find your way. It was a battle for me to get where I am. Don’t get me wrong I am still working on things every day but now I see it as my life and purpose. When I heal myself others around me are touched by the light of my path. I can remember long ago within my darkness time I began by doing one thing different every day and that helped me climb out in order to be able to find my way. Your path begins with putting down new stones of healing every day.

It begins with small simple steps to find your way. Just making your bed every day shows some love for yourself that you care enough about yourself to do that.

I have been learning to calm the storm within me and focus on keeping that calm and not be concerned with the storm out in the world around me. When I focus on calming my inner storm everything else takes care of itself. My God and Source have already taken care of tomorrow. My job is to align myself to the path that has already been set for me.

I am so grateful that my Creator has already set everything into place to create my journey before me so that I can live the best life I choose to live. I look everyday for the guidance that I need to continue to learn how to find my way. Whenever I need something or want to learn something new it is always brought to me at the right time. Sometimes right at the last minute. I have learned a lot about myself in the last 6 months and learned many ways to move forward in my healing journey. I asked for the answer to my identity search and  I have been blessed with my next steps.

Here is an example of what was given to me to learn to find out my identity and how it is necessary to accomplish anything I choose to do in my life. If there is anything I want to accomplish in my life I just need to examine it with this concept. When there is something I want to do I must find a way to get it through to my mind, body and soul. No matter how small it is.

When you have something you want to accomplish think about what is keeping you from doing it. The lies that you believe about it and you. For example, I have been trying to create a sacred space in my home. That means everything around me needs to feed my soul and support my positive feelings. I want my surroundings to create good feelings in me and help me stay in a good way throughout my day. I have been creating a routine of support in my days to help prevent those things that don’t feed my soul from opening the way for the dark negative thoughts and feelings to come back in and get stronger.

I decided that I wanted to have good mornings so I thought about what things cause my discomfort. I do not like to walk into a messy kitchen in the morning. It adds to my depressive tendencies that could start a downward spiral in my mind and takes my body and heart down too. I have changed my evening routine to include cleaning my kitchen every night before bed so that I can walk into a positive clean space every morning. Such a small gesture just for me has made a tremendous difference.

Deciding what I believed about why I feel so down in the morning. Why do I put off taking care of my space? thinking about what I believe about it is my mindset. I never thought it made a difference. Thought it was just doing the dishes and was something I have always regretted since I was young. A chore that was disliked. So the lies I tell myself can be changed when I change my mindset by making a new truth.

The truth I choose is that I am worth taking care of. If I make the effort to clean my space at night it helps me feel better in the morning. I deserve to be cared for. Once I state my new truth it’s a change to get the motivation. When my head and heart came together in the new truth the inspiration to put into my night routine is to care enough about myself to clean my space and make it something that supports me instead of hinders me. Once I decided to take care of myself and took the initiative to put an action into place it just needed a small simple step to do what I needed to. The first simple step was to never leave anything in the sink before bed. Now I have come farther to be sure the counters and stove are cleared. The steps to care increased over a few weeks of thinking of myself before I go to rest. When my mindset and methods came together it was a result of the belief that I can do it and it does make a difference. The implementation was bringing that motivation inline with a method. When my mindset, motivation and methods come together it is integrated into who I am, what I want and what I can do to get it. That’s my identity. Bringing my my mind, heart and body together to feed my soul. Integration of my thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions are who I am. My true identity in any situation.


To find your way to anything you want to accomplish go through the process of finding where you are in it. Find the lies and change them to the truth. Determine the purpose of the goal. How will it make you feel when you have done it. Find the energy, ask what is one simple thing you can do to get there and be grateful you are able to do it. Being grateful adds energy to your efforts. Once you are getting into the flow of it then keep your momentum with small simple steps. Don’t overwhelm yourself with accomplishing immediately let the process work itself out. Be patient with yourself. You can use this same process for anything you want to do. The healing in your life begins with you turning within and loving yourself.

 

If you are willing to get on with it and go through the process of seeking your identify in everything you do you will feel much more fulfilled in your days. It truly helps me keep my mindset right here right now which lessens any depression no matter how deep your are.

I have had such a great time growing in my Social Media endeavors throughout 2022. I was able to give them more focus after I finished my huge button order for the National Button Society. It was a major undertaking and I have mixed feelings about it. It was much easier than I anticipated but took much longer than I expected. 500 hundred buttons that took me 1 year and 9 months to finish. I have agreed to no longer share the images because they are a surprise to the members for the 2023 conference. They are a National organization and it’s a small world.

My Beading Circle Facebook Group has grown to almost 3,000 members and the ZOOM sessions are growing too. I have been so blessed by this group. They allow me to share my skills and knowledge and give me such great support and’s encouragement. I have been asked before why I share my knowledge for free and I know that what I have is a gift from my Creator and was given to be shared not sold. I do have an income from my endeavor so it provides me a way continue at no cost, but the enjoyment and continued learning I receive from sharing is more valuable than a monetary amount. My shop here on my website, my Etsy shop and my custom orders provide me with my needed income to continue to provide my services. I always welcome the support my followers and subscribers give me. If there is anyone here that is interested in supporting me you can join me by scanning this code and buying me a coffee. You could also become a monthly supporter to help me in my endeavors. I greatly appreciate my supporters.

My YouTube channel has grown to over 6,000 subscribers. The Live ZOOM sessions with the group has helped my channel to grow. I enjoy spending time with my group members and they tell me it is a helpful experience for them too. If you have not visited my channel yet please do so and I hope you enjoy the videos  I have posted there. I plan to get more focus and work at getting more consistent and get my website under control this year. That is one of my goals I will use my new identity process to work on. I am feeling the great success I have been blessed with and will continue to work at getting better. All of my projects started as just ideas over 3 years ago. At that time I never thought I would ever be where I am now. I feel victorious in my healing journey and feel like there is still so much more for me to learn, share and accomplish. I think what I am and all I have are all things that are for me to share. When we give of ourselves we are blessed in return in greater measure.

I have come a long way from 2014 when I experienced my severe PTSD trigger that shut me down mentally, physically and emotionally. I have come back from that deep dark place and would love to share with others and help you to find your healing path. I want to help use my mess as message to start your own journey. It’s a new year and I look forward to learning more about how to find my Truth. I will be starting a Talking Circle when I find enough people interested for anyone who wants to come and experience the healing of sharing. Look for the button to subscribe here on my website.

 

I am always open to your comments, ideas and suggestions for the direction I can go with my support for your journey. Let me know how I can help in any area you need my support and encouragement. Thank you for stopping by and Blessings on you and yours this new year.

Lim Lemtsch,

Frances Arapis

Rising Strong

I have been dealing with some difficult issues but I never felt more at peace and alive than ever before. This does not mean everything is perfect by any means, it means I have come to the place that I am in charge of my life and I am living It to the best of my ability. I can feel myself and my body awakening to enjoy and live my life and change my story. I am learning to accept my feelings and actions as where I am right now and it is up to me to change them if I want them to be different. The issues I have been dealing with have caused me to fall back into anger, bitterness and resentment. I choose every day to get back up and Rise Stronger in what I know I need to do.

Many years ago I had been in such a deep, dark place that I actually had decided that I just couldn’t handle my life the way it was and wanted to just not do it anymore. I remember holding that bottle of pills and actually making.a plan. At that moment I spoke to what I knew as God and said “If you are real, you need to come and help me now.” I didn’t do it that day because I had my children that needed me and truly did want to be alive and happy in my life. That was 38 years ago. I have been coming back from that place with a vengeance. The struggle has been real and the fight has been ongoing. I can now honestly say that I have found my joy and happiness even though it looks and feels some days like nothing has changed and nothing is new. I just get back up and start again, knowing that I am in charge of what happens and no one else can do what I do. I have so many things to do and create that the choice and power are mine.

 

I have been dealing with pain, triggers and circumstances that cause my body to react in pain. I am determined to overcome this trauma response and not let it no longer have any place in my life. My oldest son who has a disability has been going through some terrible health issues and housing problems. I am experiencing the strain of having to advocate for him once again. I know that this is what I do and what he needs. I placed back into what they call traditional services in Residential Rehabilitation. They are supposed to help him according to a plan that is written by his Service Coordinator. Well this will be the 4th company that we have been with and none of them have ever been able to meet his needs. They either don’t have a clue how or they just choose not to. He has been given another 30 day notice to terminate services because they say they can’t meet his needs, (they haven’t even attempted) so I have made an official complaint and we will move one.

I finally realized that maybe they really don’t know how and I have decided that I will just have to write the plan implementation myself and stop relying on them when obviously they really don’t know how. It has always been an issue with me that I think everyone thinks like a Social Worker and should just know. I believe it is time to put my knowledge and experience to work for him instead of relying on others.

I have been very frustrated over the past few years because the companies we dealt with just would not acknowledge that I knew what I was talking about and knew what my son needed but I never told them step by step because I thought they were supposed to know. Well now I have ran into this brick wall again and the only way to avoid it is to make a new path around it.

I have learned how to overcome my reactions to the triggers of my anger, confusion and bitterness. I can now rise up and give my chosen response rather than a lashing out gut reaction. I feel so much more in charge of me with this new realization of my own personal power. Taking my power back has been an amazing victory. I don’t have it all the time yet but I know how to access it and work at getting it stronger every day.

I can do whatever it is I need to do for any situation in my life that I face. I am very grateful for my Beading Circle that keep me grounded in my art that provides that release and comfort for me through my days. I enjoy sharing my knowledge and skills with them. It truly is fulfilling for me to share with them.

 

I work to learn every day how to reconnect with myself and continue my healing. I have learned so much and have accomplished so much in the past year of how to heal from my trauma and find my place. Getting in touch with who I really am has been a wonderful journey and want to start thinking about sharing that knowledge with other too. I am going to be expanding my sharing of knowledge in the future and hope that others can start to heal too.

 

Thank you for stopping by and hope that my ranting for the day has touched you in some way. I am still struggling with this whole Blogging thing and not sure if it does anyone any good but it helps me to reach out to others and hope to be a blessing.

Blessings to you all,

Frances

Clearing the Air

The struggle to breath the new life and clear the old air continues. The difference today is that I can choose to move forward in a new way working at loving myself. I make a conscious effort to work at it. I didn’t realize that I had already learned many of the ways to walk this journey many years ago but was side tracked and stepped off that track when I moved home to the reservation in 2003. I had been working at this stuff before and kind of got lost on the way. It was the severe trigger in 2012 in my workplace the put me on the track back to my journey of healing. I now continue to work on my journey and realize I have always had whatever I needed and just need to tap into it.

 

I had done a lot of healing work before I moved home. I think that the false belief that I was okay and was “just fine” led me off the track and when I left the path got lost into many things that were not in my best interest. Thank the Creator that he never left me just waited for me to come back. The trigger I had, caused me to be able to dig much deeper into myself and heal from my past in a way that I had always been looking for and didn’t know it. I don’t know that I would have ever tried that intense of a healing without the severity of the pain the trigger brought to the surface. I have since been on my healing journey and it gets easier every day.

 

I choose now to use my pain and struggles to heal in ways I have always dreamed of. I have learned new and deeper ways of healing myself and now I see myself as a stronger and more loving person that I choose every morning to grow into.

I know that there are many people who could do the same with love and support that was never available to them before. I look forward to being able to help anyone that needs that support and learn the skills to begin their own healing journey to peace within. I think that is something that I am being called to do even if it just through my teachings and creating.

I am now learning to expand my teaching to other Social Media platforms and want to find ways to reach out to anyone that wants to learn. I struggle with technology but commit myself to learn how to utilize this form of connection to share my knowledge, skills and teachings. I am trying to learn how to reach out to those who follow me here and have joined “My Tribe” with a newsletter. It’s a challenge and I am determined to find a way to provide the information soon. I have been blocked lately by my own self sabotaging thinking that I can’t do anything unless it is already perfect. None of us are perfect and I should just jump in and learn along the way. I can provide many things while I am learning.

I finished my first basket hat and am very proud of my accomplishment.

 

I absolutely love weaving and have put it into my daily schedule to give me the joy I need in my day. I have a morning routine that helps me to connect with myself and what I enjoy to start my days better to handle whatever comes along. I still get triggered and struggle with life but am practicing the skills I am learning to help me grow stronger and be happier right now and not wait until it’s perfect. I am working on my second one now and it’s such therapy to me. I love trying new things and enjoy having the time and opportunities to do them.

I have started a ZOOM account and record the Beading Circle Sessions we have every Sunday. If group members can’t make the session they still get the information.

 

 

It has been an experience learning how to do this but I think a great way to share our Beading Circle Sessions with everyone. They are added to my YouTube as I am able to edit.

I am learning how to create reals to Instagram to share tips and tricks.

Now to spend some time trying to figure out how to do my newsletter here for those of you that Joined My Tribe.

I would definitely like to share my steps to healing journey to if anyone is interested. I know that I am now feeling better than I ever have in my adult life of struggle and would love to support others.

Well I am sending you all thoughts and prayers and hope that your time here was worth it for you. If you any comments or suggestions please feel free to share with me and support each other in our lives. Thank you for stopping by and hope you return again.

LimLemtch (Thank You)

Frances

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I have always heard those words and understood that there was finally something to end the struggle. I never felt it so much as I did this week. Been struggling with a trigger that I didn’t understand. Went back to what I like to call an “EMDR touchup” 🤣 Had an amazing breakthrough experience of my fight. I was having a difficult reaction to this trigger and couldn’t just positive think my way out. I was able to see what the trigger was and the fight of my true self to set a boundary. I didn’t realize the energy shift I needed to make to make this realization. I set the boundary  and didn’t realize that’s what it was. My ego wanted to lash out the old survival reactions but I have chosen to no longer be in a survival mode with negative reactions. I may not have said it out loud but just close not to. The fight was that I let the trigger to build up negative energy because I refused to react the old way and my mind and body didn’t get the message because it is so foreign and different. My back pain, guilt, and anger just didn’t know where to go because I said no within myself. It is painful. I am so blessed I have the knowledge, skill and ability to work my way through the tunnel and I see that glimmer of light.

 

It was such a relief to understand it is my right to say no. I don’t even have to tell anybody. Just doing what I choose to do for me is what I need to focus on. The trigger tried to derail me but I am happy to say I have been able to get back on track 😉.  I have worked very hard to learn to let my true self to live, and don’t have to do anything that does not move me forward in my journey. I have thought this, said it and thought I understood until I was able to feel it in my soul that I stood up for myself and no longer need to be in that survival mode and react or attract the negative energy that comes from the past. All of my hard work is coming through and now I  see that light.

My new goal is to learn who I am and and where I want to go to experience the life I have always looked for. I have been in therapy since my oldest son was in kindergarten, (he’s turning 42 next month 🤣). I knew that in order to help him and do what’s best for us that I needed to understand what was happening and how to deal with it (his disability). It’s been a long hard fight for over 35 years to finally get through all the S**T and garbage to feel what it’s like to be authentic. The triggers never stop but I know now that hard work is worth it. I emptied all the crap out and now it’s time to fill back up with all the good stuff that is my life. I go through the emotions and allow them to go if they are not good for my soul. If they are not I work at not allowing them to stick around.

 

It is so amazing and feels like such a huge relief that I am able to continue to grow and learn from my struggles. I am coming out the other side in a much better place and hopefully a much better person.

I know what it is like to come from the deepest darkest place but I am learning from my past  and now my journey is to (RE) Discover myself. I think it is going to be a much better journey to be on than climbing out of the dark.

My Beading Circle I hold every Sunday still continues to be a good thing. I look forward to teaching and sharing my knowledge and skill with these ladies. Keeps me going and not get discouraged. I always wonder if what I am doing is worth it and should I continue. I enjoy what I do but don’t know if it is what I should be spending my days with.

I am attempting a Corn Husk Weaved Hat. I have seen them all my life and have always wanted to try. Such a strong piece of tradition and heritage for me and gives me great joy and fulfillment to know I have the skills and knowledge to do it.

Here is a link to this article: https://typesofhats.com/hat/basket-hat/

I have been stuck and have not sewn or created anything much lately. I am feeling a shift of energy there too. I have been doing things I have always wanted to do and still creating just not what I need to, to create an income. I was doing very well and now need to find my way back to working instead of playing 😉. I have supplies and items to put in my Etsy shop and here on my website so there is a resource for the things I have been teaching. I want to be a good source of knowledge and skill  to those searching for answers and hope that I am doing just that.

I still have bad days but I get up learn and grow into the person I was meant to be. I choose to be alive, and I have seen a light at the end of my tunnel. 😊

Thank you for stopping by and spending time with me.

Frances Arapis

 

Learning to Love Again

Hello my friends,

I hope this post finds you and yours doing well. January 2022 is almost over and it has been a new refreshing experience as I experienced my winter celebrating the Winter Solstice and enjoying the feeling I got as I focused on new year and new life. No resolutions need to be made for me just move forward and learning my life lessons to heal. It is my second winter that I have enjoyed the seasons and was able to not allow the darkness to lie to me and tell me it is a bad time. I embraced the season changes and allowed myself to be blessed by them. My journey may not be getting easier but I am living and loving my life as it is, Blessed.

I am continuing my fight for my life and these are the lessons I want to bring forward.

My self-worth and ability to care for my son’s need were the focus of my battle over the weekend. I went to do weekly shopping with my son and while I was looking for a parking spot he went into a seizure. He has never had one before in his life. The only thing I could think of was getting him to the emergency room. I drove  to the Hospital and they were able to get his heart rate down to normal. Needless to say we spent the day there. He is doing better now but we have no idea what happened and no one even talked to us about it. Just stabilized him and discharged us 5 hours later.

The battle that was triggered within me was the one I have fought all of his 42 years. His disability and problems are all my fault and this would never have happened if I cared for him properly. I know that these are all lies now but The pain and hurt from these lies were debilitating in the past. I Thank God every day that he has brought me through my healing that I can recognize the lies and rise above them to do what I need to do for my son, and myself. It’s a struggle and I want to win.

We made it through that nightmare and now we will be trying to find a safer and better place for my son to live. I will do it. We will also be looking for a heart doctor to tell us what is going on,

It’s like I moved into the New Year with hope and excitement and then we have to be tested. The struggle is real. I am still fight the feelings and doubts of my ability to do what I have actually always done for my son all his life.

I search for my blessings daily and can feel the shift of my world to become a joyful environment no matter what. I just keep going forward.

I am learning to love my life as it is and experience the world around me better. I can truly feel the difference in my attitude, strength and emotional growth. Yes some days I feel like I can conquer the world and other days I struggle to function. I battle the angry, bitter and resentful little girl because she deserves to feel the light and love we get from our faith and tenacity.

 

I pray that whoever is reading this that you are finding your own healing journey to help you love.

 

Another month is coming. As I am not a Valentine’s Day fan. I don’t celebrate it much. I don’t like made up commercial holidays, but it is considered the month of love. I believe I will use it in my journey to start to love myself. I am finally through the hate, bitterness and hopelessness of the past. My triggers are less and my anxiety is more manageable. I am now having to get my emotional awareness back to now. It was so lost in the darkness of the past with my debilitating trigger in 2012. I was not able to feel good. I am still blocked by the past wall that says what I am feeling is not real. Every day I have to fight to move myself into the belief that life is good and I have so many wonderful things to enjoy, love and feel great about.

It is sad to be dead inside when your mind has control. My heart and soul need to have the opportunity to come back to the surface and allow us to enjoy what we have. The battle is exhausting at times but the fight lets me know I am alive. Let’s move forward together

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Although my meme says I can do nothing for you I am more than willing to help any of you if you have questions, comments or need support you can join my Tribe and we can grow together.

Thoughts and prayers you get to see and feel your Blessings.

Frances Arapis