Changing my mind is my focus. Moving from that trauma survival mode into living in the real moment is a battle I never knew I needed to fight. Coming back from a serious trauma trigger is just providing me with exactly what I need to heal my mind from the past.
I am at the point that I can actually experience the changing of my mind from the numbness of survival mode to identifying my emotions with a wise mind. When we experience trauma it can freeze our emotional development and our only function is to survive. I now am moving into making the conscious effort to move from the fight or flight state to feeling what I feel. It is more difficult than it sounds. My body has been holding serious tension since my trauma trigger in 2012-2014. My journey back has been a terrible struggle but I am finally feeling the benefits of fighting so hard to get my life back.
I am starting from experience and knowledge this time. I have been in therapy to recover from childhood trauma since I was 26 years old. I progressed steadily for years. I didn’t realize how much I have overcome and learned along the way. This recent battle is being fought from a place that has been building and storing up knowledge of myself. I now am able to put my skills, knowledge and determination into practice and change my mind from the emotional trauma chaos by putting my efforts into creating the wise mind. Finding my lost emotions. It’s actually becoming an enlightening and satisfying piece of my journey.
I have been pushing myself to step out and push my boundaries to exercise my ability to function outside of my seclusion. I held my first beading class last week and it was awesome. I was totally exhausted and worn out after but it was well worth it. I felt good being able to be around those I was comfortable with and do what I love to do. Teaching and watching others accomplish something actually feels good to me.
I was able to add another YouTube video. It felt good to get back to creating the videos. I really do enjoy it and my channel is growing.
Looking forward to my next one. My Facebook group is growing too. I am doing what I love and loving what I do. Feel free to come and join us.
Creation Corner-Beading Circle
I will be going out to be a vendor at a Flea Market next weekend. I don’t feel like I would enjoy the big pow wow vending experience but I would like to see if I would like the local venues that don’t give so much intimidation to the experience. I have been making and creating some fun stuff and seeing what I can come with.
So I have 4 more beading classes, a Flea Market setup and my own Arts & Crafts show in December. Not only am I getting myself back out of my seclusion but it seems to be providing me with a much needed income. Although I still struggle with the intense body tension at least I am aware of it and now I know it is a choice and I choose to get rid of it.
My next tutorial will be how to make a pair of adult moccasins for myself. I have not done something for myself in quite some time. It will be to celebrate Native American Heritage month in November. Going to be able to Rock My Mocs this year.
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Thanks for stopping by and wish you a wonderful next week. Don’t forget to thank a Veteran and celebrate them for providing us with our freedom.